I had been dating my "boyfriend" for over a year. The relationship has been okay. Despite his busy work schedule, school and intense study schedule for his Bar Exams he made out time for us to hang out here and there. From what I could see thus far, he's a very hard working, well educated and ambitious Igbo man. And above all, during the periods we hung out, his phone was never off limits. I could freely check his calls, text messages and emails. Said access assured his transparency.
As you read this, you probably wondered why I wanted to dissolve a relationship with a man who embodied these rare qualities. Well, I felt as though he found it difficult to spend sufficient amount of money on me. When we went on dates, he usually paid 75% of the times. I paid here and there because I could afford to. And I don't want him to get the impression that I'm a leech or a mooch. However, apart from the miserable Birthday gift he gave me and the bouquet of flowers he got me after Valentines days. When I subtly updated my Facebook status with complaint regarded my disappointment about the lack of gift(s) I received on Val's day. He then got me the flowers and took me on a date that weekend.
The height of my worries came from the fact that, I'm currently preparing to visit Nigeria for Christmas. I told him about my desire to visit home. I opened my mouth to ask him to help me pay for my flight ticket. He told me he would pay the full amount. But I told him all I needed was a contribution from him. I sincerely would feel uncomfortable. And would not impose nor expect him to drop $2k plus for my flight ticket. So, we agreed he would give me something towards it. Mind you, he would also be in Naija this Christmas. And had already bought his ticket.
The first month came and left but still he didn't give me a dime. I angrily went ahead and paid for my flight since the price steadily increased daily. I decided to withhold letting him know that I had already paid for my flight. When we spoke earlier last week, I jokingly mentioned about how I was disappointed he had not given me his contribution towards my flight ticket. He acted as if we never discussed my Naija trip. I'm convinced the money was not the issue. His family is very well to do in Nigeria and he could comfortably afford to.
The reason why this affected me to this length was because I NEVER asked him for money/financial assistance since we had been dating. I could humbly afford my needs and necessities. And my mother raised me not to ask/beg people for money or anything, to always fend for myself. But my boyfriend as been currently bringing up the idea of us getting married. He planed to propose once he has been called to Bar. But, I'm worried over the fact that he found it extremely difficult to spend money on me. Anyways, I had decided to be patient and give him time. If he failed to give me the money towards my flight, I would leave for my Naija trip without telling him. And would refuse to meet and spend time with him while we're both in Naija. And he could consider our relationship over once we both return to North America after the holidays.
please rethink your actions. from my past experience, communication is the key. Im nigerian born and raised in America with several nigerian friends who either just arrived to america or have just lived there for just a few years. what i have come to understand is that our mentalities are quite different. Like you, I grew up in a family that taught me to be independent and handle my financial issues by myself or with the help of family. I can never ask a guy I'm dating to pay for anything I want to do on my own, of course it will be different if he was the one that asked you to go to Nigeria with him. On the other hand my Nigerian friends who are new to the western culture find this weird. It seems to me and I could be wrong that spending money on them equates to love.
ReplyDeleteThe best thing I will advise you to do is talk to boyfriend...you have dated for a year, you should be comfortable with each other. Find out why he was unable to pay the flight ticket and why he would make a promise he had no intention of keeping. Approach it as a broken promise as opposed to financial issue. Proceed to telling him how you feel about his lack of spending on you and how it makes you feel. Maybe he is having a bit of a financial crisis himself, maybe that 's how he was raised (my igbo parents taught us to save money and invest them for the future, my father specifically taught us to refrain from spending outlandishly on anyone unless we have walked to the altar and said I do).
From what you are saying, he is a good guy...I dont know his other faults. But which guy in this day and age will let you go through their phones. This type is rare and it will be terrible of you just end your relationship with him due to his lack of spending without even hearing him out. But at the end of the day, only you can make the decision you feel is right for you. Have a blessed day