I am an affectionate man but my emotional intelligence is lacking (didn't have a great example in my parents to learn from)and have a bit of damage as I was sexually abused as a young teenager. My wife had a 'perfect' upbringing and has a very strong sense of how a family ought to function and not a day has gone past since we got back from honey moon that she isn't either visiting or phoning her mother. My wife got pregnant within 2 months of us getting married. She had a rough pregnancy and rough 1st 6 months. I wasn't emotionally prepared, I don't think, for being a great husband to a soon-to-be mother, and selfishly felt neglected by her. I switched off emotionally to try a cope with what I was feeling instead of being compassionate towards her.
That's not to say that I wasn't helpful etc, but I had an attitude of putting my needs above her own. Things never really got better. She started complaining about everything. I was continually apologizing, slowly realising my past mistakes, but became convinced in time that there was nothing more that I could do to make her happy, despite doing everything I could and literally alienating myself from my family and my friends to try and satisfy her. I tried to focus on my career, and was offered jobs internationally. I figured a move would give us the opportunity to provide a better life for my family, a better education for our daughter, a chance to improve our financial situation and get away from her family and focus on us for once. No-go!
She refused completely, not being willing to leave her family and already feeling like our relationship wasn't strong enough. I was over the fighting and decided to accept one of the jobs I was offered, but it would mean that I would be home only a couple of times a year. She had the option, of course, of joining me wherever I was, but after 3 months of being away, it became clear that if I didn't go back home, I would lose my family.
She was more hurt than I had realized and very bitter having basically resigned herself to not having a husband around. A year after getting back, things still aren't what they should be. I have given up my ambitions, family and friends. I try to be the safe, stable husband and provider that she has always wanted, and still she doesn't really love or trust me. The only reason that she is still around is because of my daughter. I love her so much! How do I fix this? Do I just wait and hope that she will love me again someday?
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